I, well my doctor, recently made a change to some of the
prescriptions that I take and it got me thinking about psychiatric medications
again. It’s usually something that I think about for a few days, it kind of
bothers me a little, but then it eventually fades away until next time. So, I
thought this would be a good forum to voice some of my thoughts and maybe get
some of your opinions too.
I’ve come up against this topic many times in recent months.
Sometimes it’s just a fleeting thought when I take my pills in the morning.
Other times it lingers and I do some heavy thinking on the subject. But it
always feels like the cycle is the same. If you’ve ever taken medications for
anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness, you might be familiar with
the feeling. You reach for the bottle of pills to take your daily dose and a
pang of uncertainty crosses your mind. Should I really be taking these? What
does it mean that I take medicine that messes with my brain? I guess the core
of it is that something about taking psychiatric drugs feels wrong. I have
asthma. Every morning I take two puffs of my inhaler before brushing my teeth,
and then I move on to a day of easy breathing. I have no problems taking the medicine,
and I simply see it as a way to fix a basic problem. No big deal. But when I
reach for the anti-depressants (some anti-depressants are standard prescriptions
for OCD) I get this lingering, questioning uncertainty.
Now, logically, I feel like there shouldn’t be any
difference. OCD is a physical, biological disorder just like asthma. If I can
take a prescription for one, I should be able to for the other as well. But
somehow, the knowledge that the medicine will affect the way I think changes
the picture. I find that my line of thinking follows a lot of what our society
has to say about mental illness. Somehow, it just seems different. Again, I
know it shouldn’t be, and I wish my gut instincts would reflect that. But for
some reason, they don’t.
If I take medication that changes how I think or what I
think about or how I feel, am I somehow messing with who I am? If I
automatically think in a way that is somehow deficient, should I change that at
the risk of changing something more central about myself? I feel like this is
the point at which my therapist would step in and ask me to identify the
distortions in my thinking, but I don’t want to be objective today. I want to
wonder about why my instincts tell me to back away from something that
ultimately makes me better and healthier. Why is that I am ok with medicine
messing with all the parts of my body except for my brain? I think it’s because
it’s so hard to see a dividing line between my brain and my mind. Are they one
in the same? Western ideology certainly says so. “I think, therefore I am.” But
is it true? Maybe I should explore some eastern psychology on the topic.
Thank you for listening to my rant. I’d love to hear what
you think about the topic, whether you speak from experience or just personal
opinion!