20 Unexpected Lessons

I stumbled upon this page and I think it has a lot to say to those with mental illnesses too, not just physical ones. I’ve listed some of the more poignant ones below.

“2. Laughing is really important. It brings us back to the moment and reminds us to exhale, and to use up less of our moments worrying about the future or grieving over the past. But it’s okay to cry sometimes. That’s important too.”

One of the best decisions I made in treating my OCD was to join a local support group. Sure it’s a great place to share stories and get advice but, most importantly, it’s a place to laugh at yourself with others who understand what you’re going through. If you’re struggling with any kind of mental illness, I highly suggest looking up support groups in your area.

“5. If you want something to work, the first thing that you have to do is believe in it. The second step is to trust it, and the third is to commit to it until what you believed would happen becomes a truth.”

Nothing truer could be said about my time in therapy. It takes 100% commitment if you want to make change in your life. This also ties in with number 6:

“6. A doctor, a teacher, a mentor or a healer can show you how to do it, but they can’t do it for you. You have to meet your guide halfway. It’s up to you to do the work.”

There’s only so much you can be talked at. Eventually you have to start taking on responsibility for what you’re hearing and actually apply it in your life.

“14. Stop looking for the “right answer.” Pause for a moment, breathe, and let it come to you. The further you go searching for what may not be yours, the farther you get from what’s actually meant for you.”

The right answer is what’s right for you, not for anybody else. Sit with it and let what feels right come to you. Don’t hold yourself to other people’s definitions of what’s right or good.

“19. Asking the question “Why me?” just proves to the Universe that you haven’t learned the answer yet, and nothing goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”

The truest way to find happiness, I believe, is to be content with the lot you’ve been given. Don’t just accept what’s happening to you. Find a way to see the good in it and let it change you for the better.

Coping Strategies vs. Compulsions

I was at an OCD support group meeting when the topic of coping strategies came up. We all have coping strategies for dealing with stress, anxiety, and depression. This article talks about the habits we foster throughout our lives. Whether it’s that early morning run or the glass of wine after dinner, we all have habits, good and bad, that run our schedules. But when does it go too far? When do our coping strategies turn into compulsions?

As far as OCD goes, I don’t think I’m a particularly compulsive person. My symptoms tend to linger on the obsessive side of the scale. That being said, there are definitely things I’m picky about. The way I fold my laundry, my bedtime rituals, things of that nature. But it’s a slippery slope for all of us. It’s when you get into the habit of doing something in response to something else that it becomes a problem. You have a lousy day so you have a glass or two of wine when you get home from work. You have a couple more lousy days and you do the same. Pretty soon, you’re having a few glasses every day no matter how your day went. And that’s the cycle of addiction that happens, but there’s more to it than that. If you started drinking because you felt down, you’re likely to get more depressed each time you drink. That’s exactly how Obsessive Compulsive Disorder works. You convince yourself that the only way to relieve your anxiety is to keep performing your compulsions. And it feels like it works at first. But the truth is, every time you do that compulsion, you increase the likelihood that you’ll feel anxious and need to do it again. Every time you have a drink, you increase the likelihood that you’ll feel crappy the next day and need a drink again.

Maybe your habits seem better adjusted than my example. Maybe instead of a glass of wine after your bad day, you go out for a run. Endorphins are released, adrenaline surges, and you feel a little better. But then you do it again and again and pretty soon you can’t go a day without a run. Sure, running is good for you, but when it becomes crippling, addicting, compulsive – that’s when you know it’s a problem.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a solution to this one. Habits are a part of human nature. We all have them, and it’s hard to imagine a life without some habits. Maybe the solution is just awareness. If you’re aware of your habits and you notice if and how they control you, maybe you can step in and stop yourself before things get out of control. Maybe the only thing that really separates people with OCD from people without it is the inability to stop habits from raging out of control. (Of course, there’s the obsessive side of it too. We seem to get stuck on more things that require a habitual response than the average person.) Maybe the solution is, like this article suggests, is to just make a small modification. Maybe instead of a glass of wine when you get home, you change it up. Maybe sometimes it’s a smoothie or a milkshake. Or instead of a run, maybe you mix it up with some yoga or a bike ride. Keep the routine and the benefits without the repetitiveness that can cause a compulsion.

What destructive habits or compulsive behaviors are you holding on to? What changes can you make to give yourself a little freedom from your habits today?

White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts - Book Review

In White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts, Daniel Wegner explores the topics of consciousness, obsession, suppression, and mental control. This is an insightful read for anyone interested in general psychology, not just those suffering from OCD or some other mental disorder (although I did find much of the material particularly applicable to OCD). If you’ve ever been plagued by a disturbing image, had trouble dieting, or even just had a song stuck in your head, this book has something to say to you.

The core of Wegner’s theory is that we are plagued by obsessive thoughts, that is, we have unwanted thoughts that keep coming back to us, because we actively try to suppress them. Attempting to suppress a thought actually increases the frequency with which it will reoccur later. Clearly this has a lot to do with what happens with OCD. The core of the disorder is that we get stuck on a thought (the obsessive part), primarily a disturbing or distressing one, and can’t get away from it no matter how hard we try (the compulsive part). But this is relevant for everyone. If you’ve ever tried to quit drinking or smoking, or even lose weight, you are familiar with this cycle. You set strict rules for yourself and promise to stick to them. But, inevitably, you are reminded of alcohol, nicotine, or carbs wherever you go. You see someone eating a delicious-looking bowl of pasta, or you go to a party and everyone is drinking and lighting up. Even when there appears to be no obvious trigger, you feel the craving. Arguably, there is a lot of chemical craving going on too, but the chemicals are just as active in your brain and nervous system. It seems like no matter how hard you try, the reminders are just too much and you eventually give in.

This is where White Bears comes into play. Wegner argues, with convincing evidence, that when this happens, we shouldn’t keep looking for distractions or put all our energies into suppressing the unwanted thought, which is what we naturally tend to do. Instead, we should sit with the thought and let ourselves habituate, or get used to it. The book gets its title from a famous series of experiments you might have heard of. If you tell someone not to think about a white bear, what are they going to do? Think about white bears of course. The act of trying to suppress a thought automatically brings that thought to mind. It is the same with any unwanted thought. When we stop telling ourselves to not think about something, we give our minds room to let go of the thought naturally. Rather than constantly being on guard against the thought, we can discard it in time like a child discards a toy they got tired of. This theory bares striking resemblance to the theories about mindfulness, which promotes the same concept of sitting with our thoughts in order to let go of them.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone suffering from OCD or any other type of anxiety disorder, as well as anyone else who just has an interest in this type of cognitive psychology. It well definitely make you think twice about the way you think               !